aMy.31

 I'm Ak. Abd. Hazmi 'Amy' Pengiran Hj Yakub,and I have a couple of confessions to make.
For a couple of weeks, this topic has been running through my mind in and out again and again and I can’t help but to actually come out and post about it. And yes,it's about where will I end up,with who and is it worth for me to wait for someone who is actually in love with someone else,does it worth to wait the impossible? is it worth the fight anymore,will I be happy for her,it scares me. And this thought has been running through and through,every minute,everyday,everynight. 

 21 years of my life,I only had 2 serious relationships, Aini Arini and you know who you are. Arini was my bestfriend, my everything, but we broke up, due to long distance relationship, she came back few months later because of the long holiday and 3 months after that, she left us, Allah loves her so much and he knows best. Al-Fatihah
It took me a long time to really get back on track and move on. Then, comes you. Well, I'm not going to talk about it. But yeah,everyone told me my behaviour is not the same as my heart inside,I'm not bragging but i get that alot.

 I have a few friends who are dealing with breakups and then moving on in a short period. I don't even know how they did that,but these people amazed me. It's been 2 years and I still can't get out,the fact that the flow of moving on,scares me. BIG TIME! A friend once asked me to forget her,get a new life, because if i were to stay the same,where i was,in one path,the only path i chose,i see her with someone else happy will hurt me. I remembered I gave him the look and told him YES! That's the reason i wouldn't want to move on,is to hurt myself. I want to feel the aches i hurt her before, I'd rather get hurt looking at her with someone else than she getting hurt again. And from there, I've learned that starting from that moment every promises that i make I'll make sure I'm going to keep it. And that promise is to see her happy,again.


No,my bestfriend didn't even know this because,lying to them is the only thing i can do best. Went to their place,talking about this girl that i didn't even know or love. Lying to them makes me feel good,but what they didn't know is that I'm aching inside. Yes,I can say I'm good at this,but until when? They all will find out,eventually or I will perhaps one day tell them the truth. It's either both.