Friday, May 21, 2010. She said,I'm gonna be honest. I sometimes don't see us in the future and Love is such a strong word and Don't worry, I won't be there when you wake up. I won't be there to hurt you.


NO GIRL,I WON'T BE THERE TO HURT YOU! NOT YOU! YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO HEAR ANYTHING ABOUT ME AFTER THIS! I SWEAR!

The other day,Someone asked me why i lost weight? I smiled,and asked that person,did you ever hurt someone you love,until that someone really hates everything about you,she dont wanna talk to you,she dont wanna hear anything about you anymore,she dont give a fuck of yourself? I hate myself,and i hate myself for that,that's why i beat myself up with eating no rice,go for a long jog everyday,less sleep,do whatever things that can hurt myself. I want to feel what she felt,and i know its still not enough.
That person told me to move on. Again,I smiled,and told her i wont move on,i wont let love come in my life again,im done hurting people,im done with love,im done with all the bullshits i made. im done with everything.

P.S. I Wont Be There.

I Have To Do Something Stupid,Something To Make Her Forget Me. I Promised Not To FUCK Anyone's Feelings Again,And Imma Do It. Imma Prove Every Single Word That I Said. I Don't Need Nobody To Help Me,Plus NOBODY SEEMS BE FUCKING CARE About Me! I'll Quit My Job,I'll Quit Everything. I'll Be Gone! Gone From Everyone! While Im Gone,I Want You And Everyone To Be Happy. Happy With Life,Happy With Everything.

BAH OKAY,IM DONE! I TRIED TO WORK THIS OUT,BUT NO,IDK,AND LIKE YOU SAID,I DONT CARE! I DID MY PART..ITS FINE,ITS ALRIGHT.

AKU INDA SABAR KAN BERANTI,SO I CAN LOCK MYSELF UP,GO FUCK MYSELF. GO FUCKING MIA! PEOPLE WONT BE BOTHER TO FUCKING SEE THIS FUCKING ASSHOLE! NUFF SAID!

ThisTerrorist Misses His Hostage

AmyPhy; 31:aku mahu berubah!! inda mahu jadi kambang lagi
Khairunnisa: EH! CUBA KAU! BE WHO YOU ARE! AKU PULAS TELINGA MU KARANG!
AKU CARI KELAHI NI
GIRLFRIEND MU ANI KUAT SUDAH NI!
AmyPhy; 31:eh? marah? :p
Khairunnisa: AWU,pasal kan berubah ah! Aku tumbuk karang!
AmyPhy; 31:awu deeeeh,inda jadi,baby ku marah,abusive jua eh girlfriend ku ani :p
Khairunnisa:Andang juga,kalau you berubah siapa jadi terrorist ku? :(
AmyPhy; 31:cari pulang terrorist lain~
Khairunnisa:Inda! pasal aku takut terrorist lain inda treat aku macam kau treat aku
Kau saja tahan jaga aku jadi hostage mu
Aku sayang my terrorist wah,so jgn berubah ah kaaaayz? kayz? please? :( pweaseeee?
AmyPhy; 31:hahaha! kambang! cute jua hostage ku ani,one of a kind
first time dangar hostage sayang terroristnya :p
tapi terroristnya pun sayang hostage nya jua. ;;) happy? hehe

Someone Set You Free From The Kidnap,He's Your Hero! He Got Your Back,and Everything Will Be Alright. The Fact Is,The Terrorist Has Treated His Hostage Stupidly. The Hostage Escaped. The Terrorist Didnt Win. Well,Bad Guys Never Win Anything. End Of The Story.

I've read all our chat logs from the first we know each other til what we are now,strangers.

Khairunnisa:Mana
Liat saja ni, karang when 27th comes, kau mana ingat aku lagi tuu
AmyPhy; 31:LABIH?
Khairunnisa:Who knowsss?
HAHAHAHA :P
Amy Phy; 31:kalau aku ingat kau lakat? apa kau bagi? jgn tah bagi apa2lah,aku mahu kau stay jadi my hostage sajalah,forever.
Khairunnisa:BAH! aku mahu kau jadi my terrorist forever jugalah,hehehehe


....I WISH :')

and now im counting

14th

Now I Know How It Feels To Be Ignored,I Did That To You Many Times,When You Needed Me The Most. This New Guy Of Yours Will Be Your Other Half While Im Gone,He's Gonna Take Care Of You,I Know. Like I Said,Im Used To This,Im Used To Be Lonely,Im Used To Everything. I'll Pray For Your Happiness,For Both Of You,See You Somewhere. Be Happy,Cause I Know You Will With Him,Not Without Me.

No,Nobody Is Losing Anything Here,You Found Someone Better and I Found Myself. That's The Best Part. Thank You So Much.

I Still Owe You Something,No? Haha NOOOT! :)

I Know Its Too Late But Im Really Sorry!

Im Through With This,Im Through With My Love Life,Im Done. I'll Be Back,When Im Back I'll Be Better,InsyaAllah.

How Do You Feel If I Tell You That Im Seeing Someone,When You're Still Madly In Love With Me? How Do You Feel If You See A Picture Of Me With A Different Girl,But Not You? How Do You Feel When You Know That Im Having A Lunch or Dinner With A Different Girl,But Not You? How Do You Feel When You Know That I Pick This Girl Up From Her School And Send Her Home,Everyday,But Not You? How Do You Feel If You See Me Writing Her Names On Twitter,Instead Of You? How Do You Feel If You Know That All My Cousins and Friends Hates You? HAAH! Things I Never Knew. You Will Feel What I Am Feeling Right Now. I Hope And Pray That Both Of You Will Be Happy Together,That Guy Is Lucky To Have You. And You Deserve That,You Deserve To Be Happy,And You Deserve To Be With A Better Guy. SO,HURRY BOY! SHE'S WAITING FOR YOU! :)

I MISS YOU

I'M LEAVING LATER,A TEXT MESSAGE FROM HER WOULD MEAN A WORLD TO ME. HOW I WISH SHE READS THIS,BUT NO,NOBODY READ THIS STUPID BLOG,AND I KNOW IT WON'T HAPPEN. I JUST PRETEND I GOT A TEXT FROM YOU,AND SMILE THE WHOLE JOURNEY.

EVERYTIME I PERFORMED SUNAT ISTIKHARAH,YOU'RE ALWAYS IN MY MIND,AND I KNOW ALLAH KNOWS BEST. I MISS YOU AND I LOVE YOU,THAT'S ALL I WANNA SAY.

KITA PERNAH BERPISAH DAN KEMBALI,BERPISAH DAN KEMBALI,BERPISAH DAN SEKARANG TIDAK AKAN KEMBALI LAGI.

I WON'T MOVE! I'LL BE RIGHT HERE,WAITING FOR YOU!

Pa,When Can I See You? I Can't Stand Seeing Mama Like This. She Suffered Alot,Please Come Back & Comfort Her. Just For The Last Time. :'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''(

Ya ALLAH,I Know You Love Us,But Please,I Beg You,Down On My Knees,Make My Mom Happy,Make Everyone Around Me Happy,Bring Back Bapa,Instead,Take My Life. I Lived A Good Life. Please! :'(

Try To Love Someone Who Loves You,Don't Try To Love Someone You Love. Don't Fall In Love But Stand In Love.

EVERYTHING IS GONNA BE ALRIGHT! TRUST ALLAH,AND NEVER GIVE UP ON LOVE!

I Dont remember exactly when,but she gave me this. This is what ive been listening to everyday before i sleep. Hoho

Today,My Life Begins

The time you asked me to promise myself to be happy. I just smiled. I won't promise you anything til you get what you want and need,til you're happy. And that's the time I'll promise you,i won't let love come near me. Im better off on my own. Cause Imma failure at this game,imma sucka at love.

Goodbye,til we meet again. :')

I Know,People Are Mad At Me! But Just Like You,That'll Make Me A Better Person. A Stronger one,perhaps. Don't Blame Me If Im Changed. But I Wont Change My Mind,To Never Stop Loving You.

Heaven knows how much i miss you but NO,I AM NOT YOUR OTHER HALF ANYMORE. SO FORGET ME,FORGET THE PAST,FORGET THAT WE WERE LOVERS. I KNOW IT'LL BE HARD,BUT GIRL,HE CAN CHANGE YOUR WORLD. TRUST ME,TRUST GOD. IM SORRY I LEFT,AND SORRY THAT IM LEAVING YOU,YOUR LIFE AGAIN,THIS TIME ITS FOR GOOD. I JUST WISH TO KISS YOUR FOREHEAD FOR THE LAST TIME AND SAY GOODBYE.

So I told mom about the news,and she was happy,very happy and she was like,'sampaikan tia hajat bapa,ia mahu kau ke UBD or ITB,berakal2 tah.' YES! THIS ONE FOR YOU PA! IMMA NAILED THE INTERVIEW,GONNA STUDY HARD,GONNA PROVE EVERYONE THAT IM THE BEST! I'LL MAKE YOU HAPPY,AND IMMA BE SOMEBODY! PA,I KNOW YOU'RE SOMEWHERE NEAR US,I KNOW YOUR ON THE BEST PLACE,BEST SEAT EVER,I MISS YOU! I WISH YOU WERE HERE TO HEAR THE NEWS. I KNOW IF YOU WERE HERE,YOU'LL GO 'BAH,KALAU DAPAT INTERVIEW ANI BAPA BELIKAN THIS THAT BLABLABLA'.. I MISS THAT,YKNOW? I MISS HAVING YOU AROUND,TELLING US YOUR JOKES,YOUR ANGER,EVERYTHING.

I'LL MAKE YOU PROUD! AL-FATIHAH

This Time It's For Real.

Im sorry,cause maybe one day when you need me,i wont be there for you. Im sorry,cause maybe one day when you search for me,i am no where to be found. Im sorry,cause maybe one day,i saw you with him,im still there,not moving and realizing how stupid i was to let a nice girl like you go. Im sorry,i'll try to be better and be somebody. Happy Birthday To You,Siti Khairunnisa Binti Abdul Manan.

Happy Birthday To You.

So,I passed her house tonight and I almost cried,wait i cried. I dont know why. Wanted to text her but i dont wanna spoil her mood on her birthday celebration. Sigh. I wish i was there too,like last year. Twas the best thing.

I Miss You,I hope you have a blast. Im sorry for the stupid things i did. I know regret wont solve anything,but i did what i can,i did the best to get you back. I know you won't change your mind,but i'll keep fighting for you. I'll wait! but if that time doesn't come,I'll make sure,someone better will replace me. I know it will be hard,but i have to deal with it. SERVES ME RIGHT!
I MISS YOU! I MISS YOU! I MISS YOU!

2 more kg burnt!! FUCK YEAH!

I've learnt that in life,we never really get a happy ending story. Even if we are married,one of us has to go to leave the world.

Verse 1
If I die tonight
What would I do
On my last day
I know I'd wake early
In the morn' for crack
Of dawn's last pray
Then prolly go for breakfast
Like I used to do
Fried kuey teow FAM
And roti canai at Raju's
With my boo
And friends from way back
Neighborhood homies
Extended fam
They only know me
As that same cat
With that shaved head
Rocking Cross Colors
Sneaks to school
Writin' rhymes at the back of class
Playing tricks on fools
Then I'd come back to the crib
Tidy up a bit
Y'all know my room's messy
Though classy
Start arrange my ish
Line up my shoes one by one
Start with Jordans
And end with them Air Force Ones
Put a Post-it on the tongue
Of each one
With the name of each dun
I think I know my homies
And who would want which one
Get on the phone
And holla' at everybody
It's nearly noon
Gots to have lunch
With the family
Then spend the last day
I don't know
Try do a million other things
Hoping somehow
Time will slow
I guess what
I'm trying to say is
Take everyday
Like it was your last
Work towards your dreams
Before you pass
And have a blast
While you at it
'Cause we don't know
When we go go
So make the best of it
Just keep it real to yourself
And to all people
If y'all lost somebody before
Remember there'll be a sequel


Chorus (2x)
If I die tonight
You know it'll be alright
Just smile for me
Reminisce the fond memories


Verse 2
Well if I die tonight
I wonder
Where I'll be tomorrow
Nobody cry please
Push away the sorrow
'Cause I ain't been
The best of men
The best of friends
The best of mom
And daddy's last son
The best of anything
Tell Joe here's a last one
If I die tonight
Would I be forgiven
By all the people
I been slackin' with
When I was livin'?
Those who I hurt their hearts
Took advantage of
And even lied to
Hug you one last time
For forgiveness
Yeah I would like to
If I die tonight
Would you feel the loss?
Tomorrow would you dial
My number by accident
Then suddenly... pause?
If I die tonight
I wonder who would get
To keep my caps and shoes
Jerseys, even my little
Stuffed crocodile Coco too
Get my cell phone
Message everyone from A to Z
Tell 'em this ain't Malique
He passed away last night
And pray he rest in peace
If I die tonight
Would you think of my room
When you see blue
Wanted to clean it up this morning
But then I never knew
If I die tonight
What would happen to Tim
How long would it take
Before she kissed another man?...
God damn...
At fast food joints
Would she still order
The same combo meal for two?
Things I wish I knew...


Chorus (2X)
If I die tonight
You know it'll be alright
Just smile for me
Reminisce the fond memories


Verse 3
A cute lil' thing
To many eyes
To me you were simply
A beautiful thing
I tell no lies
We went from
Mere invisible friends
To pals real tight
Rendezvous up on the net
To chitty chat all night
I used to pick you up
Until you got your own ride
A slammin' two door whip
A grey 36-72
Lookin' all slick
Remember when I asked why this
You said because it's real fast
So you can rush
To see your boy after class
The last time
We met was '01 September
You left feelin' upset over... something
I can't remember...
I never apologized
Till January 10th 2003
When I heard you passed away
When I was deep in my sleep
Your loss taught me
Not to take my friends for granted
Misunderstandings
Gotta slam it quick
Death you never plan it
You're sorely missed down here Wawyn
Rest in peace
This too shall pass
But our true friendship will never cease...
Love...


Chorus (till end)
If I die tonight
You know it'll be alright
Just smile for me
Reminisce the fond memories

FUCK THIS,LEMME DIE!

You cant sleep,you cant think straight,you cry all night,everyday. Thats what you get when hurt someone before. KARMA IS A BITCH!!! or I AM THE FUCKING BITCH!


FUCK MY LIFE! FUCK THIS FUCKING FEELINGS! FUCK LIFE! FUCK THIS THOUGHTS! FUCK THIS! FUCK THAT! FUCK ME! LEMME FUCKING DIE! FUCK IT! I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE! I FUCKING HATE MYSELF! FUCK EVERYTHING IN ME! FUCK YOU,ME! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK,IM THE WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT! FUCK EVERYTHING! FUCK!

I Dont Want To Live To See The Day You Say Goodbye

Goodbye-Hootie & Blowfish

Tomorrow used to be a day away
Now love is gone and you're into someone far away
I never thought the day would come
When I would see his hand not mine
Holding on to yours because I could not find the time
And now I can't deny
Nothing lasts forever
But I don't wanna leave and see the teardrops in your eyes
I don't wanna live to see the day you say goodbye
Now there comes another part of life I go alone...
Sitting at a bar with Chris that I can't leave
Cause my house ain't no home
I just wanna touch you girl
I wanna feel you close to me
Without your love I would give up now and walk away so easily
So maybe while we're young we'll figure out together
That even with the pain there's a remedy
We'll be all right
I don't wanna live to see the day you say goodbye
When I first met you I couldn't love anyone
But you stole my dreams and you made me see
That I can walk into the sun and I could still be me
And now I can't deny
Nothing lasts forever
But I don't wanna leave and see the teardrops in your eyes
So baby why break up
Lets figure out together
That even with the pain there's a remedy
And we'll be alright
I don't wanna live to see the day you say goodbye
We say goodbye
Oh goodbye
Goodbye

Week 4 and Your Birthday Is Coming.

Hi,its me again. haha,sorry dear blog. I cant help it,haha. But I am very happy to the maximum high of the top buildings,or as she would say 'Happy Berabis Sekali Di Dunia'. haha :)
I just got home from Yazid's place,and the brother,Yusri and the awesome Nick was there too btw. And guess what? I LOST 5kg in 3 weeks,worth beating myself up by not eating rice for 3 straight motherfucking weeks. Week 4 is coming right up! Give me 2 more months and,Insyallah,Im gonna be sexy as hell! HAHA NAAAAT!

5 more days to her birthday and here's what im going to say to myself,GET LOST ON HER FUCKING LIFE,MI! FUCK YOU! YOU FUCKING USELESS PIECE OF SHIT! I DESERVE TO DIE AND ROT IN HELL!

She Hates Me,Forever.

Yes! She Does.

I've been updating my blog to express my feelings,and it feels great,wait GAY hahaha. My dear blog,its been a pleasure to have you,but I think you need to rest. I'll be back to feed you my TLC,but not that soon.

TUMBLR!!

Life Without You

IM SORRY,PA. YOUR SON IS A STUPID JERK! BUT,I PROMISE,ONE DAY,I'LL MAKE YOU PROUD. I MISS YOU. MAMA MISS YOU. EVERYONE MISSES YOU

I Know I Can But,I Can't..

Sorry,I Just Miss Us. But I Know Regret Won't Change Anything,Its Too Late. I Haven't Been A Best Of Men,Best Of Friends,Best Of Mom's & Dad's Only Son. Everyone In This World Hates Me,Just Because Of One Thing,Breaking The Glass Of One's Fragile Heart. But I Know,After All The Tears & Pain,Time Will Heal Her,Us. I Miss You Dearly,But I Can't Do Anything,I Give Up. How I Wish To Hug You Tight,Kiss You On Your Forehead,One Last Time For Forgiveness. Im Forever Keeping You Here,In This Heart,All The Memories,Laughter,Pain and Things I Did To You.

Ya Allah,Im Begging You,Please Make Her Happy This Time. She Suffered The Pain Alot,She Wants To Be Happy,She Needs To. As For Me God,Please Give Me All The Pain She Suffered. Or Let Me Die In A Most Painful Way. Please Hear Me! Im Begging You.

If I could switch life with my dad,i'll do it. Everyone Miss You!

J Rice – Thank You For The Broken Heart Lyrics


VERSE 1
Everything I know about love
I learned from you, from you
And everything I know about pain
I learned from you, you

PRECHORUS
You were my only, you were my first
You showed me lonely, and you took me in when I was hurt
But the most important thing you ever gave me
Was the one that hurt the most

CHORUS
So thank you for the broken heart, oh yeah
And thank you for the permanent scar, oh
'Cause if it wasn’t for you, I might forget
How it feels to let go, and how it feels to get a brand new start
So thank you for the broken heart


VERSE 2
I still remember when you called
And said that he didn’t mean anything
How could you expect me to look at you
The same way

PRECHORUS
You were my only but not my last
You showed me lonely, and you made me put you in the past
But the most important thing you ever gave me
Was the one that hurt the most

CHORUS
So thank you for the broken heart, oh yeah
And thank you for the permanent scar, oh
'Cause if it wasn’t for you, I might forget
How it feels to let go, and how it feels to get a brand new start
So thank you for the broken heart

BRIDGE
And every time I find myself alone in pieces
I find myself
I’ll just remember when you hurt me and I made it

CHORUS
So thank you for the broken heart
And thank you for the permanent scar
Cause if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be here
With the love of my life, all my pain disappear
I’ve come so far
So thank you for the broken heart

I thank you, I thank you
For the broken heart
Oh yeah oh, for the broken heart

I'll never have a broken heart again

Then Suddenly Pause..

I Wish One Day You Text Me Saying 'I Miss You' and Im Going To Be The Happiest Man In The World. How I Really Wish. Like That's Gonna Happen,Hazmi. Haha

I MISS MR.GRUMPY! :(

I MISS YOU. BUT I CAN'T! YOU'RE RIGHT,THINGS WILL EVER NEVER BE THE SAME. YOU SHOULD THANK ME FOR YOUR BROKEN HEART,THE WAY I TREATED YOU. IM GOING TO FACE THIS LIFE WITHOUT YOU. AND I PROMISE,YOU'LL BE HAPPY WITHOUT ME. I LOVE YOU