I hope he buys you flowers and holds your hand. Do all the thing I should have done,when I was your man

I hate the fact that I still hear this song. I hate how this song accompanies me to sleep almost every night. I still even cry to this. I Miss You.

Fallen Angels

People still don't get why i don't like going to JPMC,NO! not because i don't want to visit Nini but i have several reasons, Bapa has had admitted there, it used to be his second home, he didn't even live with us in our new home for long. After a month our home was built, he passed on. I remember I used to sleep at JPMC beside him after his heart surgery. Nini is currently in JPMC due to stroke. JPMC reminded me of so many things with Bapa. Earlier today, I went there ( just because Mama dragged me to ) and found out that Yazid's grandmother was not in a stable condition. She had been bedridden for the past few weeks. Just like bapa,unfortunately she lost the fight. Got a call from Yazid at 11 telling me about his beloved grandmother has been taken back to Allah. It hits me! Hard! I know how that feel,the feeling when you lost someone you love,someone who's been there for your life for so long. Another important person,a family member lost, for the brothers and sisters and mummy, or i would call them my family. I know up there,somewhere at Allah's heaven lies our place,each and every one of us. I may not know the grandmother too well,but a family is a family,and it's hurt to see them cry. I know it's not enough for me to show them i love them,but whatever best i can do,i will do for them and the same goes for my family. Losing a family member is like losing a part of your everyday life. But,the Almighty Allah knows and loves each of his creations better.

Al-Fatihah for Bapa
Al-Fatihah for Family's Grandmother
Al-Fatihah for You,Arini and to all the muslims and muslimah that has passed away.
Semoga roh kamu di rahmati,tergolong bersama Nabi Muhammad dan orang-orang yang beriman di syurga, Amin.

Our love was, comfortable and So broken in She's perfect, so flawless I'm not impressed,I WANT YOU BACK!!!

I Hear Stories Of Your Smile

HEY, I MISS YOU!

hey,i'm doing okay. i'll get back to you if you come back to me

I've had this weird dreams lately. My dad, Her dad and Nini were in it. I'm not really sure what's the meaning of this. We, Me, Bapa and Nini were on the road, Bapa drove our old car, I remember in that dream, I asked them where were we heading? He smiled and kept quiet, Nini answered me, 'Jumpa kawan bapa mu'. Not long after that we arrived at this big house, huge white house, we were welcomed by cats, kittens, all those cute kitties. A man appeared while holding the hand of a small little girl, about 10 years old i suppose. He shook bapa's hand, they hugged and the man invited us to come inside. As we were inside the house, pictures of the little girl hanging on the wall, every room, everywhere. I asked nini, who's the little girl, 'his beautiful daughter', she said.

I then went to one of the rooms, the room was huge, white paint, but no furniture and yes, again the picture of the man's beautiful daughter, but this time, me, bapa and the father were in it. I don't remember taking a picture with them,I said it loud and all of the sudden the man appeared and he smiled looking at me straight to my eyes, InsyaAllah, one day you will. How is it possible? That question keeps on ringing in my head. The man then, came to me with a white flower, i don't remember what was the flower,then gave it to me. 'Her name is ... and you will be the one who will be there for her, i know you will.'

There,it stops there! I don't even know what this means but if it has a meaning, I'm sorry I can't. If the little girl was her and the man was her dad, I am really sorry, I can't do that anymore. No,not because I stopped loving her, I still do, I still pray for her everynight, Yeah, Lillahitaala I still do that, but I am really sorry, It's not me anymore. Like I said, someone better has replaced me. But yeah, I Miss Her!

Al-Fatihah. I am really sorry, promises aren't made to be broken, but all you need to know is and I promise you, your daughter is safe and she's happy without me.

My Stupid Life Is Fucking Stupid!

Earlier today, went to visit babu tua and one of the doctors said she has a tumor on her brain, small, but yeah, go figure what will happen. I was about to punch the doctor in the face for telling us that news. Now, we have to lie to bapa tua and tell him that she's gonna be fine. As much as I hate lying, we have to lie to him, just to comfort him. I've had enough of this lying bullshit! I finally told the truth to my bestfriends about what's inside me, it felt so good and I was surprised they knew it all along, they knew I was lying to them. But yeah, now this shit happens! To lie to your grandfather, is a pain on the fucking ass, it's like you're stabbing him on his heart. Telling him that his lovely wife is fine when she's not is like telling a child that you have a candy but actually you don't have any. Eventually, the child will ask you for the candy over and over and over. What do you expect me to say to him? Yeah, she's fine, she's fine, she's fine, everyday? What the fuck is wrong with this life! No, i am not blaming anyone!

It hurts me seeing Babu Tua laying in bed with the wires all over her face, just like what Bapa suffered before. I actually hate the fact when people starts crying, it breaks me and start crying, pissing off to my life, why not me instead, why someone I love, is it that hard to just let me suffer? I guess not, I'm no good to people, they are. Both of them deserves to live longer than me. What did I do to people? Absolutely nothing! I know Allah is testing me, but I'm sorry, I'm not strong enough. Yes, I am a guy, and YES,I AM FUCKING WEAK! I don't care what you will say! Stop telling me to be strong, It won't change anything!

Sorry, but yeah, i guess it's my time to get hurt. It's my turn now! Please!

Few years later

7th September, 5 years ago, bapa went to my room early in the morning,while i was deep in my sleep,he woke me up, and told me you left,forever. I was shocked and still can't believe the fact you were gone. Al-Fatihah to you dear lovely angel.

Early in the morning yesterday, my cousin called and told me 'Babu inda sedar!' Apparently, she got a stroke. She's still unconscious til now. Ya Allah,why does it has to be me? Why my family? Why me? It's not fair,I'm sorry but yeah,I'm not strong enough for this. Please,I beg you just for once,pick me instead. Suffer me,Ya Allah! or take my life. Every single word you speak is doa,and yes, that's my doa, let me suffer from the bad things or take me. I beg you, I'll pray, Ya Allah, please!

Nini babu stay strong,please! Ya Allah, please give her strength,Amin.  We miss her!

THAT BOY IN YOUR LIFE BETTER BELIEVE THAT HE'S A LUCKY GUY

It hurts because it still matters and I still care.

Do i need to repeat this? Because yes,you still look good and beautiful.

And yes,I AM JEALOUS! So jealous that i would hit everything and don't feel anything. And yes! I just did that!

Woke up at this hour. And i just dreamed of something. Again.
And no,i can't promise you this time. I'm so sorry but i really can't. Someone has replaced me. Someone better, someone that can make her happy.

Al-Fatihah to you Uncle,and I am really sorry. I don't want to break any promises again. And i don't want to hurt anyone anymore,especially her. I'm sorry to disappoint you,really sorry :'(

I am not excited for raya!! Previous Ramadhan was (I'm sorry to say this) cruel to me,it's a holy month but everything tragic happened to me during Ramadhan. But Alhamdulillah, for the first time ever,it didn't happen this year. Or maybe i just don't give shit about it anymore. For the first time ever,i feel blessed, blessed with everything. Blessed with all the people around me.

2 years ago,raya was really fucked up. Messed shit up. Last year's was okay,i guess. This year's raya,i am trying to hold things up,not gonna give a fuck about everything and enjoy raya. Well,not entirely enjoy ,but just a small enjoyment to celebrate the fuck that i had,shit that happened,yeap, and some other sort of piece of shit! :)

YES,I AM TALKING LIKE THIS BECAUSE I'M MISSING SOMEONE! SOMEONE BEAUTIFUL,SOMEONE THAT I WILL NEVER GET BACK. YOU!

 I'm Ak. Abd. Hazmi 'Amy' Pengiran Hj Yakub,and I have a couple of confessions to make.
For a couple of weeks, this topic has been running through my mind in and out again and again and I can’t help but to actually come out and post about it. And yes,it's about where will I end up,with who and is it worth for me to wait for someone who is actually in love with someone else,does it worth to wait the impossible? is it worth the fight anymore,will I be happy for her,it scares me. And this thought has been running through and through,every minute,everyday,everynight. 

 21 years of my life,I only had 2 serious relationships, Aini Arini and you know who you are. Arini was my bestfriend, my everything, but we broke up, due to long distance relationship, she came back few months later because of the long holiday and 3 months after that, she left us, Allah loves her so much and he knows best. Al-Fatihah
It took me a long time to really get back on track and move on. Then, comes you. Well, I'm not going to talk about it. But yeah,everyone told me my behaviour is not the same as my heart inside,I'm not bragging but i get that alot.

 I have a few friends who are dealing with breakups and then moving on in a short period. I don't even know how they did that,but these people amazed me. It's been 2 years and I still can't get out,the fact that the flow of moving on,scares me. BIG TIME! A friend once asked me to forget her,get a new life, because if i were to stay the same,where i was,in one path,the only path i chose,i see her with someone else happy will hurt me. I remembered I gave him the look and told him YES! That's the reason i wouldn't want to move on,is to hurt myself. I want to feel the aches i hurt her before, I'd rather get hurt looking at her with someone else than she getting hurt again. And from there, I've learned that starting from that moment every promises that i make I'll make sure I'm going to keep it. And that promise is to see her happy,again.


No,my bestfriend didn't even know this because,lying to them is the only thing i can do best. Went to their place,talking about this girl that i didn't even know or love. Lying to them makes me feel good,but what they didn't know is that I'm aching inside. Yes,I can say I'm good at this,but until when? They all will find out,eventually or I will perhaps one day tell them the truth. It's either both.

0808

You were still young on the day you left. Dad woke me up early in the morning and told me the news,and since then my whole life changed. I lost my best friend,I lost my everything, I Lost You!
Yeah, you were right, i did find a girl after that but I'm sorry,i broke the promise, i let everyone down, i let her down. And I'm sorry I'm not going to try again,I've had enough. I'm done breaking people's heart. I'd rather get hurt this time.

Just like you said, If you want to leave,Never look back. And I'm doing it right now,InsyaAllah. Tho it's really hard to never look back.

You'll be 23 if you were still here. I miss everything about you, I miss that voice, I miss you.
Happy Birthday Dk Aini Arini. I thank Allah for when he sent you to my life. I thank Allah for when everytime we spent our time together. I thank Allah for when we were together for 2 years. I Miss You and I Love You.  Al-Fatihah

Alfred: And that's the problem. You hung up your cape and your cowl, but you didn't move on, you never went to find a life, to find someone
 Bruce Wayne: Alfred... I did find someone.
 Alfred: I know, and you lost her. But that's all part of living, sir. But you're not living. You're just waiting, hoping for things to go bad again

August

 I Miss You. Al-Fatihah :'(

I'll Never Give Up On You~

Something I Can Relate

I'm not regretting everything and i will not regret every decision i will make.

I am sorry, I think it's my time to really get going, I want to say it's really unfair for me,everything is unfair for me but that's all my fault. For 2 years, I keep on telling myself to wait ,wait for the impossible, but i know that's not going to happen. No, I'm not going to find another girl, I'm going to find myself,who am i. Where, on the other hand, I've heard everything, seen everything, and it's good to know you're happy. Without me. Happy with him. Lillahi Taala, you both are amazing together.

Well, anyway, I just hope you'll remember me everytime you hear this song. I'll miss you,beautiful.

Truth is,I never want you with him. But,whatever makes you happy,even,if it hurts me,Stay With Him!

Today was the last day of our class. We'll not be together again as a group because most of us changed the course. Gonna be separated starting from tomorrow! It's sad,really,very sad. But guess,who's going to be in the same class with me again and for the remaining years?

YES! THIS LOSER! AMALINA ALI! <3 

We both are taking enterprenuership for our Diploma. And the only 2 people from 16's that are taking the course. DIP/ENT/01! Lesssgoooo! Bismillah.

Because You Deserve Better & He Is The Best Part Of Your Life

...and you know it!

Another Sleepless Night

You want to know what's our problem? We both are afraid to say goodbye. Eventually,one day,one of us has to say it. Not now,not this soon,but one day. One day, i know you will and you mean that. You'll see.

BOLEH TIDUR SAMPAI MATI KAH?

because they just don't understand how i feel inside. nobody will. sigh

everyday gets better and better without you. loljk,who am i kidding! I MISS YOU! Sigh

Well,Here It Goes Again. Sigh. Goodnight

True Story Brah!

and I nailed all the tests and exams! Can't wait for next semester! Gonna take Enterprenuership next semester,InsyaAllah. :D

Final Results:
Language and Communication : D+ (Distinction Star)
Business Environment : D+ (Distinction Star)
Working in Organisation : M+ (Highest Merit)
Finance : M+ (Highest Merit)
Numeracy : M+ (Highest Merit)
Ugama : M+ (Highest Merit)

Scholarship,COME AT ME BRAAAH! INSYALLAH,AMIN. :)

POOOOOF! Just like that!

Letting Go Is Hard,But Holding On For Nothing Is Harder.

Smile,It's Okay. He's There!

This,the holding on game is very hard. Do you know that?
You go out with someone close to you the whole day but at the end of the day,before you sleep then BOOM! It hits you,HARD! Your face,those beautiful smile,the way you look at me,the sweet taste of that lips,the way we talk,joke. All of these,right now,yes now,it hits me. I know i shouldn't be crying,but i'm not that really strong. I'm sorry.

Girl,I'm Missing YOU!

Even Though I Told Myself That I Moved On,Deep Down I Keep On Holding On

You Still Cross My Mind

Everytime,Everyday,Everynight. All The Time. InsyaAllah.

Do You?

But You Deserve Better

I'm So Sorry That I Still Think About You Everynight,I'm Sorry That You Cross My Mind Everyday,I'm Sorry That I Still Cry For You Sometimes,I'm Sorry That I Still Miss You,I'm Sorry That I Still Care,I'm Sorry That I Still Want You Back,I'm Sorry That I'll Wait For You and I'm Really Sorry That I Still Love You.

And If In Some Distance Place In The Future We See Each Other In Our New Lives, I Will Smile At You With Joy.

:'(

I'm actually sick of this lying game i've made. Yes, people talk about us,we look great together, we this, we that, but what people don't know is this, i'm just there to look after her since the family asked me to and since i am the only close friend from the orientation she has here in Bandar. Well,only the circle knows our stories. I know,the jokes on me but at the end of the day, I'm just me,myself after all.

and excuse me if I'm being whatever you may call me after this, coward, stupid or anything that goes with it ,but i think it's just safe to say it here, and i hope you're reading this or hopefully not, i just don't want to hurt anyone anymore, someone you love in particular.
'Happy Birthday To You Siti Khairunnisa bte Abdul Manan, May Allah bless you with prosperity in life, alongside with the love ones. May all your dreams and wishes come true,and Insyallah will be happier with him each day, I'll be praying for you both.'

It Hurts But It May Be The Only Way.

'Rabbi Inni Liima Anzalta Illayya Min Khairin Faqir'

I AM TIRED OF BEING SAD! I AM TIRED OF CRYING! YA ALLAH,JUST TAKE ME,PLEASE! I BEG YOU,PLEASE?!!!!!

Facebook deactivated,twitter next and then gonna make my IG private after that and i guess certain people might be blocked. :)

OOOOH YEAAAH LESSSSDODIIIIS!

BE class was FUN today,instead of studying, We and Sir Nazirul played a flirting game. Yes,on how will you flirt a boy/girl.

So this were the best Pick-up lines of the day or i may use this one day! HAHAHA!

'Demi Allah,you lawa!' - True story,this is how Que got Wani. Haha cute couple yo!

'I know you're not better from my ex but you're perfect to be my next!' - I forgot who wrote this,Mengancam juga lah!

'Me tahu lah me sudah bebini tapi me mahu ikut sunnah nabi,3 slots lagi!' - Hahahaha Sir Nazirul

'Pen Merah,Pen Kuning,bah bilatah you and me kan dating ni?' -Malik

'Kalau nabi ada siti khadijah,me pun ada,me ada you,Siti Aisyah! - Hj Hanifi

'Be my imam one day!' - Amal with her swag and class! lolol

'InsyaAllah,one day i'll be your imam!' - replied this and the crowd goes wild! HAHAHA. Siuk trolling orang ani rupanya!

Well,Anyway,The BE presentation resluts are out,and our group The Very Impressive Group amongst all the Pnd's. And Amal and I are the Best Presenters,and Alhamdulillah,both of us got an HD(Higher Distinction) Star Plus for the overall presentations! Never been so proud for myself! Well,it's just the beginning though,Diploma next year,and I AM READY TO MAKE MY FAMILY PROUD! BRING IT ON!

Ya Rabbi,I Just Need You Everyday :)

Be there for him,no matter what. Can you do that for me?

Dear Life...

I remember 5 years ago,when everyone was deep in their sleep,dad woke me up and told me you passed away. It took me forever to believe that you're really gone. But i know you're up there with dad,smiling,both in a better place now. Arini,I miss you and you too pa! Al-Fatihah.




'The best way to let go for someone you love is to pray for them,Lillahi Ta'ala'- Amalina Ali

I Miss Dad! I Miss You! I Miss Everyone In The Past! Ya Allah! :'(

I look forward to see you one day,somewhere,with him,holding hands,smiling and telling me, 'look,i'm happy with him!'

And after that,i go home,lock myself up,asking myself 'how the fuck did i let her go?'

One day,InsyaAllah.

24th

For Certain Someone

I did this,all of this because it's easier than admitting that i miss you.

No matter what advice your friends throw you, the idea of simply moving on seems impossible.

I Won't Give Up On Us!

YA KHADIAL HAJAT YA ALLAH! PLEASE? :'(

I NEED TO STOP BUYING A NEW LINE! SIGH!

Can you promise me something? Tomorrow or the next day, everytime you're with him please let him know that he was your everything since i left , tell him you don't want to lose him since im gone , tell him you really love him even when im still in love with you. Cause baby, you deserve the best, you beautiful.

With BruneiTweet

Courtesy of RanoAdidas :D

Nauzubillah and Alhamdulillah im still around. Got an accident again today but this time someone hit me. The car was badly crashed but Alhamdulillah im still safe and sound.

It was a very tiring 2 days of work but had tonnes of fun. Although Amal and I were just volunteering,we gained alot of experiences. The people who came were amazing,we managed to get $500+ yesterday,Alhamdulillah. and the profit for today's sales are to be announced.

Courtesy of anakbrunei.org :)

Members of THE PLAN

Nash being entah i pun tak tahu

Its Imam's last day in SP,sad i know. But he left for his own good. Take Care Brother,We'll miss you. And Goodluck in the new Politechnic College

Awal2 pagi sudah kena bully bui~ :(

THE PLAN

Amalina Ali <3 and she FINALLY met Yazid! Tahu ia rasaaa! LOL

"If Allah wants you to be together, in 4 or 5 years, it doesn't matter if one of you goes to the moon. You'll be back together."

Ya Allah.. :'''''''''''''''''''''''''''(

Just give it to me quick
Are you coming home?
Don't dance around it

I need to hear this
I chose you long ago
Have you chosen me yet?

'Cause I'm starting to wear thin, find it harder to forgive
Every time you let us slip down your list of priorities

I'm waiting for you to say you're here to stay
But darling, if you know that it's through
You can't keep doing what you do
If it's time to let go of you

Now please don't take this wrong
You know I want you
But don't think I won't move on
'Cause I can get by on my own
I'll stand without you
Look how I have grown

'Cause I'm starting to wear thin, find it harder to forgive
Every time you let us slip down your list of priorities

I'm waiting for you to say you're here to stay
But darling, if you know that it's through
You can't keep doing what you do
If it's time to let go of you

You once whispered words to me
Wondering if anybody loved each other like we do
I guess that's not enough for you
Tell me or I'm going to let you go
If it's time to let go of you

Just Come Back When You Think It's Time

So you decided to see me out of the blue
Should I let you come over
I think you’re doing fine
That girl in your arms
Does she know where you come from

Almost made me move out of town
You don’t want me to be around
But I stayed anyway
Just in case


Finding reasons to hate you more than before
Like how you said you would call
But never at all
Got rid off your number that I know by heart

You left your things at my place
As if I have all the space
Cause you know I don’t mind
Just come back when you think it’s time

I’m all black and white inside
Monotonous from left to right
I decorate my house with things you love
Just in case you show up
In case you show up

Things are not and will not be the same anymore.

Today,Mama randomly asked me who's my girlfriend and i pointed to OUR picture and said THAT,THAT'S HER,MINE! She then smiled,and one word came out of her mouth, 'LAWA'!

Well yeah, i lied to her but at least i'm not lying about how i feel for her still to ALLAH,right?

Ya Allah,show me something,please?

Amal: Told you,suruh tidur and jangan th liat football..see what happens if you inda ikut cakap, kalah liverpool :p
Me: -.-" awu,next time tidur ni. sigh. and why arent you asleep yet?
Amal: liat bula :p then kan isthikharah :D
Me: nah,sama juga! bah go,i pun kan isthikharah :D

Hahaha,i think she's into football now. HOHOHO!
Done Istikharah,gonna sleep with disappointment. :( Sigh hahaha *over*
Bismillah

I Miss You,I Really Miss You

There I Just Said It,I'm Scared You'll Forget About Me~

THIS!

It's been 4 year since Bapa left us. Celebrated Uda's birthday today and everything will never be the same again. Nini went to me and she cried,i can't help myself but to burst into tears after i saw her. I told her its gonna be alright,uda saw us and he then said, 'Hadiah hari jadi uda yang uda inda dapat lupakan sampai bila2, uda hilang abang uda yang paling uda sayang.'

Pg Hj Yakub Bin Pg Hj Aliuddin,I Miss You. Al-Fatihah

Ya Allah,
Andai dia bukan untuk ku,
Andai dia bukan jodohku,
Maka berilah ganti yang lebih baik buatnya,
Berikanlah dia insan yang benar benar terbaik buat kehidupannya,
Insan yang benar-benar mampu memimpinnya ke syurga-Mu,
Dan bantulah aku untuk memperbaiki diriku,
Agar aku kukuh dalam mencari cinta-Mu

LET HER GO...

5 assignments to be done in 2 weeks. HECTIC SEASON STARTS....NOW! :S

BISMILLAH!

This time i won't say no if the question is being asked again. InsyaAllah. Only ALLAH knows what i am talking about.

Meet Amal's Sister,Kaka Kerisdina

Bleeeeeeerggghhh! LOL

Look how the way Amal held the snakes and look at me holding those creatures. LOL! 'Memalukan lelaki' said one of Amal's Brothers. HAHAHA.

Allah have better plans for me,Allah knows she isn't the one. Be better and be happy for her tho it sucks to hide what's inside.

Me: Mama called from KB
Amal: Apa mama cakap?
Me: Ia tanya if you're okay,and she didn't want to call you pasal takut nangis.
Amal: oh,the next time she call,tell her,as long as im with you,i'll be fine.


That awesome feeling when once a stranger, means anything and important to you now. Alhamdulillah,Thank You So Much Ya Allah.

Amal: Esuk inda payah ambil me :)
Me: Bnr? Berani? Pasal banyak ambuk tu. kalau ambuk mengacau,i tak tauuu~
Amal: Biasa sudah kana kacau,di skulah lagi ada ambuk,tapi inda mengacau,baik ambuknya.
Me: Adakan?
Amal: Adaaa~
Me: Mana?
Amal: nii,dgn me chatting now sama mengcall last night ;) ;-*
Me: hahaha ambuuuuuk jualaaaaah -.-"


SCHOOL REOPENS TOMORROW! CAN'T WAIT! :DDDDD