It hurts because it still matters and I still care.

Do i need to repeat this? Because yes,you still look good and beautiful.

And yes,I AM JEALOUS! So jealous that i would hit everything and don't feel anything. And yes! I just did that!

Woke up at this hour. And i just dreamed of something. Again.
And no,i can't promise you this time. I'm so sorry but i really can't. Someone has replaced me. Someone better, someone that can make her happy.

Al-Fatihah to you Uncle,and I am really sorry. I don't want to break any promises again. And i don't want to hurt anyone anymore,especially her. I'm sorry to disappoint you,really sorry :'(

I am not excited for raya!! Previous Ramadhan was (I'm sorry to say this) cruel to me,it's a holy month but everything tragic happened to me during Ramadhan. But Alhamdulillah, for the first time ever,it didn't happen this year. Or maybe i just don't give shit about it anymore. For the first time ever,i feel blessed, blessed with everything. Blessed with all the people around me.

2 years ago,raya was really fucked up. Messed shit up. Last year's was okay,i guess. This year's raya,i am trying to hold things up,not gonna give a fuck about everything and enjoy raya. Well,not entirely enjoy ,but just a small enjoyment to celebrate the fuck that i had,shit that happened,yeap, and some other sort of piece of shit! :)

YES,I AM TALKING LIKE THIS BECAUSE I'M MISSING SOMEONE! SOMEONE BEAUTIFUL,SOMEONE THAT I WILL NEVER GET BACK. YOU!

 I'm Ak. Abd. Hazmi 'Amy' Pengiran Hj Yakub,and I have a couple of confessions to make.
For a couple of weeks, this topic has been running through my mind in and out again and again and I can’t help but to actually come out and post about it. And yes,it's about where will I end up,with who and is it worth for me to wait for someone who is actually in love with someone else,does it worth to wait the impossible? is it worth the fight anymore,will I be happy for her,it scares me. And this thought has been running through and through,every minute,everyday,everynight. 

 21 years of my life,I only had 2 serious relationships, Aini Arini and you know who you are. Arini was my bestfriend, my everything, but we broke up, due to long distance relationship, she came back few months later because of the long holiday and 3 months after that, she left us, Allah loves her so much and he knows best. Al-Fatihah
It took me a long time to really get back on track and move on. Then, comes you. Well, I'm not going to talk about it. But yeah,everyone told me my behaviour is not the same as my heart inside,I'm not bragging but i get that alot.

 I have a few friends who are dealing with breakups and then moving on in a short period. I don't even know how they did that,but these people amazed me. It's been 2 years and I still can't get out,the fact that the flow of moving on,scares me. BIG TIME! A friend once asked me to forget her,get a new life, because if i were to stay the same,where i was,in one path,the only path i chose,i see her with someone else happy will hurt me. I remembered I gave him the look and told him YES! That's the reason i wouldn't want to move on,is to hurt myself. I want to feel the aches i hurt her before, I'd rather get hurt looking at her with someone else than she getting hurt again. And from there, I've learned that starting from that moment every promises that i make I'll make sure I'm going to keep it. And that promise is to see her happy,again.


No,my bestfriend didn't even know this because,lying to them is the only thing i can do best. Went to their place,talking about this girl that i didn't even know or love. Lying to them makes me feel good,but what they didn't know is that I'm aching inside. Yes,I can say I'm good at this,but until when? They all will find out,eventually or I will perhaps one day tell them the truth. It's either both.

0808

You were still young on the day you left. Dad woke me up early in the morning and told me the news,and since then my whole life changed. I lost my best friend,I lost my everything, I Lost You!
Yeah, you were right, i did find a girl after that but I'm sorry,i broke the promise, i let everyone down, i let her down. And I'm sorry I'm not going to try again,I've had enough. I'm done breaking people's heart. I'd rather get hurt this time.

Just like you said, If you want to leave,Never look back. And I'm doing it right now,InsyaAllah. Tho it's really hard to never look back.

You'll be 23 if you were still here. I miss everything about you, I miss that voice, I miss you.
Happy Birthday Dk Aini Arini. I thank Allah for when he sent you to my life. I thank Allah for when everytime we spent our time together. I thank Allah for when we were together for 2 years. I Miss You and I Love You.  Al-Fatihah

Alfred: And that's the problem. You hung up your cape and your cowl, but you didn't move on, you never went to find a life, to find someone
 Bruce Wayne: Alfred... I did find someone.
 Alfred: I know, and you lost her. But that's all part of living, sir. But you're not living. You're just waiting, hoping for things to go bad again

August

 I Miss You. Al-Fatihah :'(