My Stupid Life Is Fucking Stupid!

Earlier today, went to visit babu tua and one of the doctors said she has a tumor on her brain, small, but yeah, go figure what will happen. I was about to punch the doctor in the face for telling us that news. Now, we have to lie to bapa tua and tell him that she's gonna be fine. As much as I hate lying, we have to lie to him, just to comfort him. I've had enough of this lying bullshit! I finally told the truth to my bestfriends about what's inside me, it felt so good and I was surprised they knew it all along, they knew I was lying to them. But yeah, now this shit happens! To lie to your grandfather, is a pain on the fucking ass, it's like you're stabbing him on his heart. Telling him that his lovely wife is fine when she's not is like telling a child that you have a candy but actually you don't have any. Eventually, the child will ask you for the candy over and over and over. What do you expect me to say to him? Yeah, she's fine, she's fine, she's fine, everyday? What the fuck is wrong with this life! No, i am not blaming anyone!

It hurts me seeing Babu Tua laying in bed with the wires all over her face, just like what Bapa suffered before. I actually hate the fact when people starts crying, it breaks me and start crying, pissing off to my life, why not me instead, why someone I love, is it that hard to just let me suffer? I guess not, I'm no good to people, they are. Both of them deserves to live longer than me. What did I do to people? Absolutely nothing! I know Allah is testing me, but I'm sorry, I'm not strong enough. Yes, I am a guy, and YES,I AM FUCKING WEAK! I don't care what you will say! Stop telling me to be strong, It won't change anything!

Sorry, but yeah, i guess it's my time to get hurt. It's my turn now! Please!